


The Fear

by DesertLily



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Canon Era, Coming Out, Fluff, Jack is a good brother, Mentions of homophobia, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Race, hurt/comfort kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 14:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18317039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: Racetrack comes out to Jack as non-binary





	The Fear

**Author's Note:**

> This is waaaay too self-indulgent tbh

Fear was an emotion Racetrack Higgins knew far too well. He had feared his father as a child. He had feared the other Newsies when he first started selling. He had feared Spot finding out how he felt. Now he had another fear. Race was scared someone would find out he wasn't a he. They were a they. They had known it for a long time yet they had never even considered telling anyone. There was too much at risk. Race had heard horror stories about people who weren't considered 'normal' when it came to their gender identity or sexuality. There were more than enough stories about people being attacked or even killed in the streets for just daring to be different. Worst still were the asylums and the cruelty they claimed as 'treatment'. That scared them more than the Refuge. It was a fear that seeped its way into their very being.

Race couldn't pinpoint exactly when they had realised they were a they but it just felt right. More right than being a boy ever had. It was like they had found their missing puzzple piece. Not that they would ever tell anyone. They weren't stupid! Deep down, they knew they had people they could trust - the other Manhattan newsies, for starters. They were Race's family. Besides, they had all accepted Buttons (mostly) easily enough when he had asserted that he was in fact a he. Not to mention Race didn't doubt Spot would at the very least accept them.  He did a good enough job hiding their relationship. Though, there was always one person in particular who always came to mind whenever Race considered telling someone. The Cowboy himself. Jack Kelly. Their brother in everything but blood. The person Race found themself trusting the most. How could they not? Jack had always been there when Race needed him. Now wouldn't be any different...Right? Doubt always set in quickly whenever he considered outting themself; doubt that made them feel sick to their stomach.  The Manhattan newsies had been their family for as long as they could remember. Race would never dare do anything that could threaten that. At least, up until now they hadn't.  
  
Racetrack had decided the rooftop would probably be the best place to confront Jack. It always seemed to be a good place to catch him alone, and this was certainly something that Race needed to tell him alone. Their heart felt like it was going to beat out of their chest. They couldn't even bring themself to face the door. Instead, they leaned against one of the walls around the edge of the rooftop, staring out into the city. Race wasn't sure as to how long they spent waiting for Jack, fiddling with their unlit cigar the entire time in an attempt to calm their rising anxiety. Eventually, the door to the rooftop creaked open and someone walked out onto the rooftop.   
  
They heard the footsteps falter follwoed by a concerned "Racer?" Their shoulders slumped in relief. by the sound of things, Jack had come alone. Thank god. Anyone else and Race was certain they would have backed out. When race wouldn't so much as look at him, let alone offer a verbal response, Jack rested his hand on their shoulder. "What's wrong?" When he was met with silence again, he gently turned Race to face him. His eyes were flooded with worry. "Racer, talk to me."   
  
Racetrack couldn't meet his eyes. Instead, they let their gaze fall down onto the concrete rooftop. A look of slight panic crossed their face as they took a deep breath. They needed to do this. Yet, as Race opened their mouth to speak not a tangible word came out. "I-" They instantly clamped their mouth back shut. They couldn't do this. What if he rejected them?! Racetrack swallowed anxiously at that. "I'm not a boy." They blurted out without thinking. Shit.   
  
"So you're a girl?" Jack's face was unreadable as he kept his voice soft. Neither helped calm Race's nerves.   
  
They sighed. "...No. I ain't a girl either." Racetrack whispered as their eyes began to well up with tears. This was it. This was the part where Jack gave them a look of disgust before announcing he wanted them to leave and never come back. "I'm sorry, Jack. I can't help it! I promise you I can't! I understand if you're disgusted or don't want me ehre no more! I'm sor-" Race was cut off by Jack just pulling them into a tight hug, much to their surprise. Tears finally slipped from their eyes at that as they found themself utterly breaking down.   
  
"Racer, you're an idiot." Jack informed them. "You're family, through and through. Nothing in the world could change that. Especially not this." He tried to assure as he continued to hold Race close. Racetrack had never felt so relieved in their life. It was like a weight had been lifted off of their chest. It was the reaction they had hoped for and so much more. "I care about you, Racer. Alright?" There was nothing but sincerity in Jack's voice as he wiped away their tears.   
  
Racetrack just clung to Jack as tightly as they possibly could, refusing to let go. "Alright." They managed to nod. "I-...Thank you, Cowboy." The smallest trace of a smile began to form on their face. Maybe they had been wrong to doubt their family so much. So far, so good, right?  
  
Jack made a move to ruffle their hair, giving a look that he seemed to hope to be reassuring. "Nothing could make me think less ofyou, Racer. Least of all this. As long as you're safe and happy, I'm happy." He promised.   
  
"You're a good brother." Race informed him softly. "Best I could have asked for," They meant every word. Still feeling far too anxious, they began to twirl their cigar between their fingers.   
  
"Who else knows?"   
  
Racetrack looked down at that, shaking their head. "No one. You're the first person I told. Not even Spot knows."   
  
Jack couldn't help but smirk at that. "Aww, Racer! I'm honoured. Always knew you liked me more!" Behind the teasing tone lay the smallest lay of sincerity.   
  
A laugh managed to escape their lips as Racetrack relaxed completely, rollingtheir eyes at their brother. "Shut it, Cowboy." They shoved him playfully.   
  
Just like that, they were back to normal. They were Jack Kelly and Racetrack Higgins, siblings in all but blood. Race wouldn't have it any other way. 

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know if you like/hate this on my tumblr; desert-lily ! I also take prompts/requests


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